What is Tantra therapy?
I am really curious about life in general and particularly how life can be experienced with the help of the tantric philosophy. It was this curiosity that led me down the path of training to become a tantra therapist. If you found your way to this piece of text I am guessing you are also curious about tantra therapy. Hopefully after reading this text I have been able to give you an idea of what it is and maybe even gotten you curious enough to want to experience it first hand.
So what is it?
Maybe it is easier to understand what it is if we break it up into two parts, first what is tantra? Depending on who you ask you might get very different replies to that question. This linked article (in Swedish) will give you an idea and was written by my tantra therapy teacher Lin Holmquist in regards to what tantra is. To simplify it even more I usually say that for me tantra is about connection. It is about understanding and experiencing connection to the world, to others and connecting with yourself. I believe that when we are in connection with ourselves in the present moment we have a better possibility to relate through that connection in a healthy way to both ourselves and the rest of the world.
Then what is therapy? Therapy is also a very wide field and something that can mean very different things for different people. One way of understanding therapy is that it is a form of treatment that aims to help resolve mental or emotional issues and can be used to help build self-esteem, reduce anxiety, strengthen coping mechanisms, and improve social and community functioning.
In essence tantra therapy for me is about feeling better about the life we experience living.
So putting these two parts together again, to me tantra therapy is about using the teachings of the tantric philosophy to help to connect to ourselves and others in ways to make ourselves feel better about our lives, to become happier and maybe even more blissful individuals. What each of us needs to become happier can be very different depending on who we are and what kind of life we have experienced. In this aspect tantra therapy is a very powerful tool and practice because it can be tailored to very different needs and can take the bigger picture into account. I experience that many other practices in society that aims to help us are very focused on individual parts of us rather than looking at the bigger picture, e.g. only focusing on our mind or our body. This is not necessarily a bad thing as we humans and our existence is very complex and very hard to fully grasp in its entirety. But in many cases it can become limiting when we need help with something in life but the practices that aims to help us only take certain aspects of us into account and we are not really fully welcome to show up with everything that we are or need.
Tantra therapy sessions
So what makes tantra therapy different and what can happens during a tantra therapy session? I can only account for what might happen during one of my tantra therapy sessions, others might have a completely different approach. However in my experience there are usually similarities between practitioners, but please be careful if you base your own expectations on what I write below. This text is meant for those curious about life and tantra therapy, it is not meant to be the one and only truth. That said I will briefly go over what I think can be good to have in mind before, during and after a session.
Before a session
If you have read other texts by me you know I believe that process starts much earlier than when you actually start an event, workshop or a session. I believe the process starts as soon as you decide you want to do something (sometimes even before). The more aware you can be of what is going on in you the more able you will be to see the old you and also take actions to transform into the new you that you want to be. So try to be present even as you might not believe the process has started yet, what are you thinking or feeling before you actually make a decision e.g. to go to a session? What is pulling you forward to take the decision and what might be keeping you from making that decision? The answers to these questions can be very useful in your coming transformation. If you have trouble asking these questions or have a hard time finding any answers don’t worry about it. Whatever happens is exactly what should happen and I am sure you are on the path you need to be.
Something else that can be useful to think about before a session is if you have a particular intention that you want to explore during the session. In short, why do you want to do this session? Having an intention is not required, but it can help guide the process. Every session can be very different from the one before, so you might not always know how you will feel after a session. Either way it can be good to make sure you have some space in your schedule after the session. In other words if it becomes a very intense session it can be good to allow for some time to relax and to rest after the session. So be mindful of what you are planning to do directly after a session.
I also recommend that you come to a session feeling as comfortable as possible. What makes you feel comfortable only you know, but I would say usually it means wearing comfortable clothes that you can both sit and move around in easily. And the most important thing of all, bring all of you however you are in that moment. The more authentic you can be both towards yourself and the person you have a session with the easier it will be to find what it is that you are looking for.
During a session
As mentioned before, no session is usually the same particularly in regards to the experience of each session. If you have been to one tantra therapist you will probably not experience the same thing going to another, even going to the same therapist you will probably experience differences between every session.
There are however usually some similarities to the structure of each session. I like to start every session allowing the client to arrive and start letting go of the outside world. Especially coming from work it is easy to be very much up in the mind, in those circumstances I find grounding into the body very helpful. If there is an intention I also like to talk about it for a while to prepare and feel into what wants to unfold during the session.
Something else I also find very important when doing bodywork (and also sometimes just talking) is to discuss boundaries. Boundaries can change all the time so it is something that should always be present, which makes it so important to always have a new discussion about boundaries before every session starts. To create the most possible safety my usual approach is that during a session there can always be new boundaries put up depending on what happens but boundaries are not crossed or removed once they are established in that session. However during another session there may be other boundaries in play.
The next part I will tell you is usually the hardest to actually do. Once you have talked about your intention I invite you to let it go. If you can let go of whatever you think the session will be about it will be easier to come closer to the true potential of the session, this is what I call the unknown. We have the ability to think and feel for a reason, our mind and senses help us navigate the world and have guided us to the point in our lives we are at this moment. However I also believe that the structures or behaviors we have created for ourselves that once were there to help us can sometimes continue affecting us even after they might not be very useful for us any more. Which is why being able to let go of what we believe to be true and lean into something else that might be unknown for us at this moment can be very powerful. It can be a way to find transformational power to change into something new that is more beneficial to us in this present moment.
Why even have an intention if we should just let go of it you might ask? For me tantra is life, and tantra therapy is a way to practice living life to its fullest potential in a safe and secure setting. When you practice creating the life you want to live in a session you can then hopefully bring the experience of that small part of your life into the bigger picture and live according to that experience in as many aspects of your life as possible. As already mentioned, this can be very hard. This is the same as in so many other aspects of our life, we need practice and when practicing tantra is it beneficial to have an open mind. Maybe what you thought you needed was not at all what you really needed.
This is why each session often is unique and can contain anything from eye-gazing, talking, bodywork, dancing, other kinds of exercises or simply sitting holding hands. I also want to mention that there seems to be a common misunderstanding that tantra therapy is the same as tantra massage, this is not completely true. A tantra therapy session can contain tantra massage, but it does not have to be that way. The session can contain so much more as already mentioned.
All that said, the more authentic you dare to be and really ask for what you desire the more powerful the session can become!
After a session
Most likely you will feel something after a session. However if you simply do not feel anything special that is fine too. Whatever happened and however you feel after the session I invite you to be curious about yourself and whatever comes up. I also invite you to try not to judge what you think or feel about yourself after the session. As every session usually is unique it can be hard to know beforehand how you will feel, if you want to be on the safe side I (once again) recommend not planning to do something that requires a lot of focus. If your session happens to be very transformational it can be nice to just be able to relax and rest afterwards. It can also be good to drink a little extra water after the session. Water is always good to drink and I find that is extra true when the body is activated both physically or energetically.
I also find integration a very important part of any transformational experience and that is true for most tantra therapy sessions too. For me integration is about understanding myself and particularly understanding both old and new behaviors and patterns that I become aware of in transformational experiences. How people integrate new experiences can be very different. I invite you to explore what works best for you. Personally I like to really emerge myself in the feelings or ideas that come up, maybe meditating on them, talking about it with people I feel safe or writing about it. For example writing this text has helped me understand what tantra therapy is for me. Journaling can be a particularly powerful way to integrate new experiences.
I am just a mirror for the love you already have within.
Why should you go to a tantra therapist?
There can be a million reasons, maybe you can feel resonance with any of the below scenarios.
Do you feel that your life has revolved around taking care of others and that you have not really had much time to enjoy your own pleasures in life? Do you feel that you have lost connection with your passion fulfilling those of others? Maybe you are now at a point in life where you have the resources to really enjoy life to the fullest, but your earlier busy life has made it challenging to connect to the awesome potential for pleasure that you feel your body is both capable of and longing for.
Conscious touch and presence are powerful tools within tantra therapy to connect (or reconnect) to the pleasure within us.
How much pleasure do you want to feel?
Does your life look great on the surface but you feel there is something lacking? Do you feel that your life contains what society has told you that you should be working for, but going down that road has not left much time for connecting with your higher purpose? Maybe you even feel shame for wanting something more, when you at the same time feel so extremely grateful for everything that you already have.
Authentic dialogue and an open inquiry are very powerful processes in tantra therapy to open up to new ways of viewing the world and still feel connected to that which matters to you. Being allowed to be all of you, both what you already have but also helping you find the passion you long for. You can be grateful and fulfilled at the same time.
How happy do you want to be?
Do you feel that your life is very stressful? Do you feel that you have to keep up being perfect all the time in every aspect of your life? Maybe you have a longing for relaxation, letting go of that breath you hold in and be unconditionally loved for the person you are rather than how you perform or the appearance you present.
Non-judgmental listening is one of the foundations in tantra therapy work to create a safe space where you are welcome just as you are. Meeting in a space of love and acceptance can be a very powerful experience that can help us see and let go of the stressful expectations we put on ourselves.
How much love do you want to experience in your life?
Or maybe you have a completely different topic or intention that you would like help exploring, maybe something to do with your mind, your emotions, your body or your soul? Or maybe tantra therapy is not for you at all, that is also fine. It makes me very happy that there are so many different ways we can help ourselves and others to feel better going through all the stuff we do trying to live our lives.
If you are curious to know more about tantra therapy, send me an email at stefan@tantraakademin.se. For those curious what others have experienced during tantra therapy sessions with me I have included some testimonials from people that I have given sessions to.
“It is easy to feel welcomed by Stefan, that all of me is welcome as I am. Stefan's message of love embrace and holds the whole session. From therapeutic conversations to meditation and massage — everything with presence and love.”
“It was fun and relaxed, I felt safe and felt that I could trust Stefan as a therapist. I am happy that I tried this and feel that I learned new things and feel that it was all very beneficial to me.”
“Stefan has helped me with my thought patterns and my way of handling certain situations. Stefan has also grounded me and opened up my energy flow. Stefan saw me, met me openly and without demands. I felt safe and gained great confidence in his expertise. He has my full recommendations.”
The end (or is it your beginning?)
If you made it all the way down here, remember:
Words are here to guide us but the world becomes what we make of it…
