Authentic dialogue
A couple of friends and I have been experimenting for some time now having authentic dialogues. It was not the intention but it has proved to be an amazing resource for myself in regards to personal growth. Creating a space where I am allowed to be myself without judgement has created a deeper understanding for who I am. Having people around me that accepts me and love me for who I am makes it easier for me to accept and love myself. In the end I also believe this helps me to accept and love other people for who they are without judging them. In other words, I believe that having authentic dialogues is one way to practice self love and also a deeper acceptance and understanding of oneself and others.
So what does an authentic dialogue look like and how can we all have them? There is a lot to it and I am not sure about all of it myself yet. However below are a few practical tips that I think are helpful if you want to try it out. For each point I have also included a reflections or two that might help you practice and look at your own behavior during a dialogue.
Listen to understand
Are you listening to really get a better understanding of what the other person is talking about or are you just listening for a space in the dialogue where you can come in and tell them what you think and how you feel?
Are you curious about the other person and what could emerge from this dialogue or are you just interested in getting your point across?
Listen more than you talk
Do you have a lot to say, can you make a pause now and then to let others into the conversation? Both to create more engagement and create an opportunity for feedback and co-creation in the dialogue.
Create space
Does everyone participating in the dialogue get equal space to express themselves? Is there someone that has not taken much space that you can invite into the dialogue with a question about what they think or feel (preferably in a non threatening or demanding way)?
Act out of love
What do you and the dialogue you are participating in need at this moment to feel fulfilling? Is your “inner critic” judging you or the other person speaking negatively? Could a more forgiving attitude towards yourself or the other person create a better feeling and more rewarding dialogue?
Communicate with empathy
Are you presenting your opinions just to have said them or are you genuinely interested in the other participants understanding your message?
In what mood are the other participants and in what way could you frame your message so that the other participants receive it the way you intend it taking into consideration the state they are in?
Make sure there is understanding
Have you really understood what was said? Can you mirror (repeat) what was said to ensure that you have understood but also give the rest of the participants a feeling that you are actively listening to them?
Are you actively inviting other people in the dialogue to mirror what you said to ensure they understood what you are trying to say?
Allow different opinions
Do you or other participants often start their reply with “No” or something similar negating the other persons opinion? Is it possible to instead frame a question to ensure there is not just a misunderstanding? Or instead of negating the other person, could you give an alternative proposal and explain why that proposal would be better according to your view?
Base decisions on the whole
When a decision is made or suggested, are there aspects that have not been considered, does the decision for example only take into consideration emotional viewpoints and not logical or vice versa?
Are opinions from different perspectives invited and do you try to find common grounds rather than pushing for a decision that only takes one position into account?
If you have any other great tips or tools for creating better dialogue feel free to post a link in the comments!
